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The gorey details...
So last night I had a dream that I accidentally killed two people. I have no idea what this dream means. But I'm open to opinions. If you are squeamish, I suggest you don't read.

Well, one person was accidental. The weird part was that, I was the second person I killed. It wasn't me killing myself, it was me (I'm guessing as someone else) killing me. What it means, I'm not sure. I'll start from the beginning, or what I can remember as the beginning.
I was with this person. I wanna say that we were hanging out together. There was an incident. I dont remember what kind of an incident and they ended up dead. I distinctly remember feeling a strong sense of panic. Thinking to myself "what the hell did I just do? How can I fix this? This is going to RUIN my plans, my LIFE." I remember thinking that I've really ruined things this time. I remember dragging the person into the adjacent room by picking them up under there arms and dragging them. I covered them with a blanket and quickly left. Walking swiftly down the stairs. I was trying to avoid anyone I know. But They were everywhere. I couldn't escape people. I needed to find seclusion and just when I thought I had, in my room, I was there.

Again there was a physical struggle. Grappling with myself, I almost lost my balance when the other me tried to push me away. I came swiftly towards the other me and pushed as hard as I could. In that instant, I WAS the other me. I could feel myself falling backwards in slow motion. I was aware of EVERYTHING around me. The sites, the smells, the lights became extra bright as if to highlight the climax of the moment. I remember wanting, NEEDING to take a breath. But because I was falling, I couldn't. And I was no longer that person the MOMENT that my head hit the corner of the object. I can't remember if it was a table or desk(as it was behind me at the moment). The last part I remember of being in the falling body was that time was moving so slow I could feel the hair on the back of my head grazing the object before I actually hit it. But then I wasn't that me anymore, I was the pusher. Another moment of panic. Thinking that I've gone off the rails. That I've totally lost touch with the person that I thought that I was. That maybe the previous event wasn't by accident. Maybe I was truly as bad of a person as to take someones life. I walked to the table/desk and ran my index and middle finger through the blood as a drop fell from my index finger to the floor. The droplet resounded throughout the room for what seemed like an eternity. I immidiately knew that I HAD to get rid of the body. No one could know. I had to be methodical about it and try to cover my tracks as best as I could. Deep inside, I knew that eventually I would be found out and that I'd pay for what I had done. But that didn't matter to me at the moment. I remember looking down at myself wondering where I went wrong. How I had ended up in this horrible predicament. I began to dismember the body. I distinctly remember cutting into the skin/flesh around the joint where the arm connects to the torso. I let out a cry, a sob really, but tears ran down my face. The feeling was weird to me. Almost like cutting into a steak, but much tougher. Going through tendons and muscle until the arm was removed. After that. I don't remember much, mostly just being driven into insanity at the task that I had overtaken. Cutting away and placing limbs in black trash bags.I had to use 2 bags for the body, but I tied the head in a separate 3rd bag. When I finished the seperation, I collapsed to the floor, first sitting up with my legs bent up and my arms resting on them. I dropped the knife to the floor, i guess signifying that it was done. I sat there covered in blood, wide eyed. I slowly began to collapse to lay down on the floor. What had I done? There's no going back. Life will never be the same. You can't take back what's done. I just imagined being hauled off the prison. It was more than I could bare. I remember gathering myself(mentally and in the bags) and standing up. I carried 2 bags in one hand and the other in my other hand and slowly trudged to the door. I didn't go to the back door, side door, window, basement. I went straight to the front door. I approached it and it remember that there was a LARGE bay window in the room to the left. The front door itself had a window in the top 1/2 of it. And the door window was covered by a partially translucent curtain. I approached the door, closed my eyes and took a few DEEP breaths in.

And I woke up as I put my hand on the door knob to go outside.

I woke up feeling extremely anxious and confused and worried. After a few moments, I realized it was a dream and breathed a HARD sigh of relief. But the reason why it occurred still boggles my mind.
I don't know...


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