"If you, think I, have not been missing the way, she breathes. You are mistaken, my friend in falling down."-YC
I don't even know what to say about my breakup with her. We grew apart, she resented certain aspects of my life while I resented certain aspects of hers. Things just weren't working out anymore. Things go deeper than that, but I'd probably rather leave it at that. I think of her a lot more than id like to admit. I hope that she is doing well. When I say "I love you", I don't mean "... Until things go sour." love to me is a forever thing. You don't just STOP loving someone. Honestly, I wish her well in all that she does. I hope that she finds a guy that will treat her well and take care of her. A man that will be able to provide for her and help her to start the family she's always wanted. I feel bad as though I may have wasted some of her time, but honestly I had wanted things to work. I know that she probably will never forgive me, but I wish that one day she would be able to at least talk to me casually. If for only once a year or even 2.
She says I didn't care because it didnt ruin my life instantly(the breakup). She says because she couldnt eat for nearly a week, that I must not have cared about the relationship or her. Which just outright isn't true. Everyone deals with things differently. I had many inner demons that I still struggle with over the whole situation. Just because she didn't see the tears, didn't mean they didnt happen. Just because she thinks i hate her, doesn't mean I do.
I still maintain that it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Loving someone and then telling them that you can't be in a relationship with them. Things just don't work "relationship wise" sometimes. And coming to that realization is painful, each of the (two, now) times that I've experienced it.
Whether or not she wants to admit it, she has things she needs to work through (emotionally) before she can submit herself to another relationship. But I think the spite and anger that she feels towards me is blinding her as to seeing how things link together. Still though, I wish her the best. I really do want her to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted for her. And now I know that it won't be with me, but I still wish her to find happiness and wholeness with another person.
"We're almost 23 and you're still mad at me. You tell the world in dead to you, but I know you want me back."-YC
" 'I don't love you anymore.' that's all, I remember you telling me. Never have I felt, so cold. Well I've no more blood to bleed, 'cause my heart, has been draining into the sea. Oh, oh, oh." -RiseAgainst